Feeling Like My Skin Is Too Tight

I have a day off today, and there are quite a few things that I want to do (and that need doing) around my home. 

 

It's now 12:30 pm, and I haven't done one single thing (except drink my coffee). 

 

Well, I did sleep in until 10:30 am today, and that's a miracle for me.  Most of the time my "internal clock" has me up by 9 am out of habit.  But that could also be attributed to my cats, who seem to believe that I should be awake and moving by that time every day.  They don't understand the concept of my not having to go to work equaling me sleeping in. 

 

So I'm sitting here writing, which I haven't done in a while.  And feeling "itchy", as if my skin is too tight.   It's the feeling of energy being restrained, when it wants to break free. 

 

For me, it's the conflict of the "Have To Do" and "Want To Do" Lists.   There are a whole lot of detailed things on the "Have to Do" List.  And a BIG Question Mark on the "Want To Do" List. 

 

A Question Mark, you ask?  Yep.  A Question Mark.   Actually a whole lot of them.  ???????????????

 

The reason for that is really simple.   It goes back to my last post, of what I've been dreaming of.   I KNOW that there's something I really want to, and should be doing.  I just can't put my finger on it yet.  The result of that is this feeling of my skin being too tight.   Feeling restricted, boxed in, confined, almost trapped.   Wired for sound, don't want to just sit, but don't want to waste time doing something that might turn out to be not what I should have been doing. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy.  Very happy in my life, as I'd said before.   All is well and good, except for this damned cold and bronchitis that I've got right now.  

 

Hmmmm.... Maybe I should take a little closer look at that... 

 

From the viewpoints of Reiki and the Chakra System, I currently have blockages or deficiencies affecting the Heart, Throat, and Third Eye Chakras.  And possibly the Crown Chakra.    I'm going to do some more research about all that, and see what I need to do to fix that. 

 

But back to what I'd been talking about... I am happy, it's just this feeling.   I think through the lists of things I need to do, and very quickly reach the overwhelmed stage, because a lot of it feels like it needs to be done NOW.  Which very quickly leads to my typical Aries reaction of "I don't want to", so I don't.   Which leads to an increase of that itchy feeling, of not wanting to just sit and do nothing.  So I think about doing something with the wide variety of crafts I like to do.  I don't do any of them very well, I'm sort of that "jack of all trades, master of none" when it comes to arts and crafts and creative talent areas.   Which leads back to nope, that's not the right thing, and an increase in my frustration.  And round and round it goes, until I just want to scream. 

 

I need to clean my house.  (messy, but not filthy... when did I become a neat freak?)

I need to clean, sort, and thrash out closets and cupboards and storage bins. (spring cleaning, there's so much crap in here, feeling closed in)

I need to work on RPPD stuff.  (way behind schedule)

I need/want to go visit my kids and heart family and spend time with them  (which I feel really bad about, which takes extra gas which I don't have extra money for, which takes time away from the other stuff I need to do, which makes me feel guilty and bad)

I want to.... I don't know exactly what it is that I want to do, but doing nothing makes me feel guilty and lazy. 

 

And as an Aries, I don't take well to HAVING to do things! 

 

And so it goes, around and around and around and around... 

 

So what am I going to do?   For right now, I'm going to go get myself another cup of coffee, and have a couple of cigarettes along with it and play a few games of Mahjong until the coffee is gone.  (Procrastinator!  LOL)

 

Then, I'm going to pick one thing that's on my "house" to-do-list, and do it.  

 

Maybe that will get the ball rolling.... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dream a Little Dream of....

.... Something!  I was going to say anything, just dream.  But the dream is important, and even more so the dreaming of it. 

 

It's not just the night-time dreams either.  It's the day-time ones that, I think, are so much more important.  Those are the dreams that help to shape our lives.  That sometimes can, really should be, the ones that become our guiding star.  They are the dreams that can make us set goals for things we want to accomplish, of how and where we want to live, of what kind of work/job/career we want to have, of who we want to be.  Therein lies the importance of the dreaming. 

 

The dreaming of the dream is the roadmap to making the dream come true.  It's how we get from point A, the dream, to point Z, the reality.  The manifestation of the dream.  The Universe is waiting to make our dreams reality, but we have to do the legwork along the way.  As much as I believe in magick, I also know that it is my effort, my energy that causes the magick to work.  I have to put the energy into following the roadmap that I design in order to reach the goal. 

 

So I dream.  Some days more than others, a lot of days not much at all.  I don't always want to do the work to make the magick happen.  Sometimes I watch the magick happen for other people, and think, wow, if only....   So I look a little harder to see what my dreams are, to see what I would be willing to put the energy into.   There are a few things, but they aren't really what makes my heart sing. 

 

What does "what makes your heart sing" mean?   Some of my friends know what I mean by that phrase, and happily they have found their song.   So I'll now tell you. 

 

A few years ago, we held one of our Mid-Summer Celebration Rituals at my heart-brother Ben's place.  Two of my heart-sisters, Linda and Wolfie, and I led the ritual that day.  (We all wore golden cloaks that Lin had brought, and wound up carrying the title of "The Golden Girls" because of it.)  It was wonderful!   Anyway, as happens a lot of times during Ritual, I spoke and led a short meditation at the midpoint of the ritual.  And, as happens a lot of times, the first few words that I spoke were mine, but the rest of it was "someone else" sharing their message.  I don't consider myself a channeler, but it happens quite a bit.  I start talking, and then get bumped aside by an energy who wants to speak.  I don't get to hear what they say, and have to ask afterword what was said. 

 

On this particular day, I knew that I was going to borrow the phrase "find what makes your heart sing" from another heart-sister, Rhonda.  She had found the words somewhere, and we had spent some time talking about it.   It means to do those things that fill your heart with joy, that gives you that warm, happy feeling that sticks around for a long time.  The kind of thing that you never get bored with, that you are always happy when you do it,  that never feels like work or a chore to do.  That makes you feel really alive, that satisfies you.  Do you get what I mean?  That's what we call "making your heart sing."  Whatever it might be, it fills you up, lifts your spirits, and usually results in good things happening, not just for you, but for other people too. 

 

Sounds like a lot to think about, doesn't it?   In the long run, it's not.  It is really as simple as looking at the things you like to do, and holding them close to your heart for a moment, if only in your mind.  Your heart knows what the right thing is.  Your soul knows.  It's a vibrational match when it's the right thing.  The vibrations match up, and start to feed off of and into each other, and the vibrations rise, and start to sing because they match.  You feel it inside and out.  You feel and hear them singing.  And then you start to "sing".   And it's the most glorious sound ever.

It changes your entire life. 

 

I have lots of little things that make my heart sing.  I don't always hear them because I drown them out with "junk", as I call it.  Mundane world worries, letting myself get stressed out by stoopid things (and people).   There are days when I don't want to hear the little songs, I want "the big one", and that stresses me even more.  I wonder what I'm doing wrong, what am I supposed to be doing, what do I need to change?   The answer?  It's simple, really, and I just found it.  I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, and I don't need to change anything.   I've got a full orchestra playing right now, a wonderful variety of heart songs that are so glorious, each in their own right, in their own way.  They flow from one to the other perfectly.  I've only had to listen and feel it.   And I do. 

 

May you also find what makes your heart sing.